How To Shower Like A Woman

1. Take Clothing off and place in sectioned hamper according to light & darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your partner along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how fat you're getting.

4. Get in the shower look for the facecloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and comfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins

6. Wash your hair again with cucumber and comfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

7. Condition your hair with cucumber and comfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red & raw.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini line but decide to get it waxed instead.

11. Scream loudly when your partner flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

12. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with tilex.

13. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

14. If you see your partner on the way, cover up any exposed flesh & run.

How to Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed. Leave them in a pile on the floor.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your partner on the way, flash her making the "woo-woo" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror - suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no), admire the size of your dick, scratch your balls and smell your fingers for one last whiff.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a facecloth - you don't use one.

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

9. Wash your privates and surrounding areas.

10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair making a shampoo Mohawk.

12. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

13. Pee in shower.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the shower curtain hanging out the whole time.

15. Partially dry off.

16. Look at yourself in the mirror. Admire dick size.

17. Leave wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom wearing a towel around your waist. If you see your partner on the way pull off your towel, grab your dick, go "Yeah Baby" and thrust your pelvis in her direction.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.